love and fear walk hand in hand

by rebecca on February 3, 2010

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       I know that the things I love the most are also the things that tend to cause me the most fear. I get worked up about where the peanut butter goes in the fridge because I’ve attached meaning to the placement of that particular item.

       Sometimes I fear things because I’ve been told I should, like friendly looking turkeys.

       What I’m wondering today is if there are things in your life that you fear because you think you should, instead of a real fear that comes from genuine fright? I wasn’t afraid of turkeys until I was told I should be. Then I had to learn to remember how to be unafraid again. Do you have anything like that in your life?

 

       Is there a love that you are pushing away because you hold it in abeyance with fear? I did this with, of all things, peanut butter placement. I was worried that if the peanut butter was out of place, I’d have trouble getting the love in my family to line up. Since I have admitted I am such a goose in life, does this allow you to look in the dark corners of your life and find some pocket where love is stuck because you are also fostering fear? We could be gooses together.

 

       I’m sort of amazed by how I stop the flow of simple, pure-water Love in my life because I am afraid. I’m afraid it will stop coming. I’m afraid it will end. I’m afraid it will change me because I will want to become someone this person will want me to be. Yada yada yada. This is the noise my brain makes. Do you have noise like this inside your brain when it comes to love and fear?

 

       Then I think about what made me go back to those turkeys. I adore my neighbor, for one. I remembered that the first time I met the turkeys I had no trouble at all. I don’t like having my choices shrunk. I like to know I can walk anywhere I want to walk. And, most importantly, I like to foster bravery. Is there a situation, recently, that you’ve entered or re-entered that was frightening, and, because of love you found it rewarding? I love those turkeys so much, and I love facing down what truly amounts to an imagined fear.

 

       Do you have a love at home that is plugged up by a jar of peanut butter or something close to that? Something sort of silly? How can you be more brave in dealing with that? How can you allow that river of love that wants to flow dash about and hydrate your life? In what ways are you most brave when it comes to love?

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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Dana Boyle March 14, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Funny about the peanut butter, Rebecca, say more.

When you asked if I have anything like the turkeys, I thought – no. But yes I do. Many things, probably – just think of how many things your mother told you to be afraid of that you were fearless about in childhood.

I loved horses and wanted horses my whole life. I was not afraid of them, and I fearlessly went up to them and petted them and brushed them. (My dad’s friend had horses I could actually interact with.) Then, when I turned 24 a boyfriend of mine surprised me with horseback riding lessons with a local stable which was probably the sweetest birthday present I ever received…except, the stable owner walked me around on the first day and when I went right up to a horse and petted her, he said, “BE CAREFUL!!! You ALWAYS put your hand like this (and he put his hand up like he was signing “stop”) and then you pet with the other hand, because horses have been known to bite woman’s breasts right off!” I’m not kidding you…that is what he said to me.

Do you know I haven’t interacted with a horse since?

My husband recently suggested we get a horse, and I said, “No, they’re too much work.”

Sad, huh?

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rebecca April 4, 2012 at 4:06 pm

There are horses on all sides of me. Both my boys (husband and son) want horses. I am stunned by their majesty. When I walk down the road they amble up to the fence to nod good morning.

I am like you: I petted them because I had no idea I was suppose to be afraid. Then I got more education and have sometimes been timid. However, I’m finding that if I just listen keenly and talk with my belly button instead of my mouth (sounds odd, but it works) horses respond very gently.

Dana, I wish you could come to Colorado and feel the open landscape of it here and the freedom of all these horse haunts.

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Dana Boyle April 4, 2012 at 4:44 pm

That sounds so breathtaking, Rebecca! I still LOVE horses and am always in awe of their intelligence and beauty, and how they read our energy.

I’d love to see Colorado sometime. It’s on our list of places to visit. My husband has been there and wants me to see it as well. Much love to you!

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