Sexual freedom, a deep appreciation for our military, and a renewed interest in my children: these are just some of the gifts my clients have given me. As I count my blessings, my clients top the list, for they bring depth and dimension to my life. The relationship between coach and client is holy because we need each other, and learn from each other.
It’s not a one way street. That’s why it works so well.
Frigid and Thawing
She is exploring sexuality with her husband and willing to ask questions. Her vulnerability is astonishing. She wants to be happy but doesn’t know how. We work together to find that pleasure in the bedroom easily transfers to the rest of life.
I welcome the chance to lean in to these questions. There are abundant correlations between orgasm and the ability to relax in general. So many women I know wait. Wait in bed and wait in life. What good is waiting doing for anyone? What are we waiting for?
She felt trapped by her slow children, imprisoned by shoes and hands and meals. Then found abundant joy in the juicy flesh of her children. Pincushion hands, roly-poly thighs and heads that were too big for the bodies that were attached gave pause during diaper changes. Laughter ensued, and what followed was a dip into the luscious NOW of a child’s timeline.
I got to re-remember my baby’s moments, smell anew that soft skin and sink into the Jurassic Age of parenting without the sleepless nights.
Her husband is in the military. He wants to run their home with the same precision of an army base. She wants to follow the special needs of each individual child. She gets her way a year at a time when he’s gone. Then he comes home. She doesn’t want to be sad to be reunited as a family. And then there are the army families with real problems like the fathers or mothers who aren’t coming home. So she feels like she should just “shut up.”
There are people dear to me that serve in our military. Working with her has changed my perspective entirely. I understand the fear that lives in each of their hearts as they round the corner from grocery shopping and see the dreaded car that carries the officer who brings “bad news,” and they momentarily cheer that it’s not parked in their driveway, then realize their friend is suffering. The pins and needles of this lifestyle became all to real as we worked together on real life issues that initially felt “too shallow,” given the comparison.
Laughing at Anger
With many of my clients we laugh our way though sessions because life has already seen enough tears. She was a good girl all her life. Anger was not part of her vocabulary. But the clutter in her home told me she was storing something under that sweet smile. There is an advantage to working on the phone where we can’t see one another and, when I first suggested she try showing the middle finger she resisted, then giggled. I laughed and our laughter grew. Pretty soon I could tell that middle finger was making a steady appearance and the clutter was magically disappearing.
Susie Sunday all my life, I’ve been resistant to anger as well. Laughter washes away the inhibition, the shame and the hesitation. A Jesuit priest once told me the shortest prayer is f_ck. It makes it fun and not so scary to know it’s OK to laugh at my anger.
He is a writer. He writes every day and I read his words. I respond: part cheerleader, part editor, and part curious maven digging for more.
I’ve learned about consistency. Writers write. Writers have partners who help them. Writers talk to people who see things and want to know more. I adore this process.
He showed me the closet and what it’s like living with dark secrets and shame. I was a witness as he explored the deepest underground and the freedom of riding the escalator to the make-up counter on the top floor where everything is well lit and a girl can learn all she needs to know.
The church long ago said goodbye to me because I wanted to bring my gay friends, Catholics, Buddhists, Hindus and Protestants…all of them… all to sit in the same pew and I was told I wasn’t welcome. But God had other ideas. God brought the pew to my door wrapped in bendable gender lines, writing, military service of a different kind, sex that offers pleasure, and children’s chunky fingers.
Lost but now I’m found. Amazing Grace. Oh Lord, hear my prayer of gratitude for this abundant life.
In a spirit of abundance for all that has come to me, I’m offering a no-cost coaching call on Tuesday, December 4 @ 10am PST/ 12 CST/ 1 pm EST. We’ll be chatting about any of the above topics. I invite you to stop by or bring your friends.
To be a part of that call simply dial (805) 399-1200 then enter your *secret code* 208594#
*Long distance rates will apply, but otherwise the call is free.